A little bit lonely, a little bit depressed

Yes, just the sight of the title you may think I'm PMSing, but I'm not. And no, I don't have any mental health in my background.
I'm just a normal teen going through a normal phase of teen hood... i think?

Is it okay to:
a) Cry for 3 nights straight
b) Hide dark feelings from Christian family
and c) Ask your sister if you can die
.... yeah I don't think so either.

Like I said before, I'm not a suicidal person [even if I think of doing it from time to time, that's completely normal for someone by age] nor am I in the state of puberty at this time. Because of a book which I read over the weekend about a boy who's been neglected by his family and is very dark in emotion, I feel like I can relate to the character which I've read. With that, I'm pretty sure that's the source to my feelings for the past few days.

I've been thinking about my past and what I still remember from my childhood. Please don't be judgmental, but this is how I feel, this is me. I'll be listing some point form sentences because if I wrote them all with more thought into it, it'll be longer and too much to type [too much to read in your perspective].

I've:

- Never met my father
- Been neglected by my mom
- Have been told I resemble my father than my mother, which makes me think that I'm hurting my mom since I look too much like him
- Was shown adultery by a childhood friend
- Compared to slimmer girls [I'm not overweight, it's just muscles on my arms from playing sports]
- Compared to siblings and family members
- [felt like I'm alone in the world] since I have no blood-related siblings [my mother remarried when I was eight years of age and had 3 children]
- [felt] unloved since my step-father forgot to mention me in his wedding speech at my step-sister's wedding
- [felt] I am a nobody who nobody loves

..... baha, yeah some crazy thoughts I've been having but they do mean a lot to me.

∞From time to time I'd find myself wondering,
if it was a good thing for me to be here at all∞